Concordia
by thelovetrials16
Summary: Sometimes Evan looks back and wonders if he deserves to be happy. (Crossposted on my AO3 account)


It made him anxious sometimes, being so happy. Evan loved his beautiful family, Chloe always there to give him a hug and Connor in the kitchen pretending he wasn't a complete softie. His life was so perfect with them in it. He watched his four year old waddle into the living room towards him. She tugged on his shirt, a sign that she wanted to be picked up.

"What's up Chloe?"

"Daddy! Can I have a brownie?"

"Not yet, Chloe. Let's wait until your grandparents get here."

"Gramma and Grampa? YAY!" Evan winced, quickly smiling to cover it up. Chloe had trouble controlling her volume sometimes.

Evan gently set his daughter down as she ran into the kitchen. From the living room he could see Connor's leg being latched onto by a hyper four year old. He laughed as Connor weakly tried to shake her off, but gave up almost instantly. Connor gave him a smile. Evan knew that he enjoyed his Chloe's attention. Connor never failed to show it.

God, that was one thing he constantly worried about when they were dating. Connor's absolute INABILITY. TO. EXPRESS. HIMSELF. It drove Evan crazy how Connor had suddenly become withdrawn and grim after the complete explosion he had been when they first met but Evan couldn't complain. Connor told him how he nearly burst a vein because of Evan's refusal to give straight answers that made it take forever for him to get even that first date.

"Daddy! Daddy! Up! Up!"

Looking down he once again saw the grinning face of his daughter. He spotted chocolate stains over her mouth and cheeks. The little rascal didn't listen to him! With a smile, Evan picked her up and poked her cheek.

"What's this over here, huh?" Chloe frowned.

Chloe had an interesting kind of frown. It would start off as a normal four year old's frown that would slowly become more and more distressed until it became a look of pure confusion. It made him laugh every time. Chloe lifted up her arm and began furiously wiping her face with her sleeve, completely missing the stains all together. She gave Evan a sly grin, daring him to try proving her misdeeds again. Evan shook his head. Chloe could be so cute, but at the same time such a bad child. He lightly flicked her on the head as punishment before putting her down again. She darted away towards the kitchen again. Evan just sighed again.

"I hear you're the one bullying my little girl?"

"I'm your husband, Connor,"

"Ding ding ding! We have a winner!" He said as he hugged Evan from behind. Evan turned and gave him a quick peck on the lips. God, even more happiness he wasn't sure he deserved.

How he and Connor had grown from the emotional wreck of teenagers they were when they first met. It started off as a rollercoaster of a relationship that even Evan was unsure if it was going to last. Well it had, a decade and then some. There was something about Connor that made Evan fall in love with him every day. The butterflies in his stomach from senior year never quite went away. He shook his head as he remembered his own dread when he realized the source of his accelerating heartbeat was no longer Zoe, but her tall brother. God, he was an anxious mess back then. Still is, but it's gotten considerably better.

"What're you thinking about, _Dear_?"

Evan rolled his eyes. The nickname had a different connotation when it came to them. On the first day of school Jared made a joke about Connor and Connor, in all his sensitive soft boy glory, shoved Evan onto the ground. Zoe tried apologizing, but Evan stormed off, accidentally leaving behind his letter. Zoe picked it up and gave it to Connor, yelling at him for overreacting. Connor read the letter and after some thought, decided to apologize. He knew Evan's name now, but when he approached Evan, Connor panicked, blurting out, "Are you Dear Evan Hansen?" without thinking. At first, Evan was a little put off, but once a person reads your therapy letter to yourself a friendship is kind of guaranteed.

"Just remembering my gayngst back when we were just friends."

Connor laughed.

"Don't start, Evan. I had it so much worse than you did."

"Oh yeah?"

"Yeah! Everyone knew you were gay the second they saw you. There wasn't a big shock factor. I on the other hand had a reputation as the big scary monster nobody wanted to talk to. Being gay took that image away."

"C'mon, your reputation didn't mean that much to you."

"Maybe not now, but in high school…" He trailed off. "Like you weren't the same. You're the one who lied to me about kissing Alana after I asked you out!" Connor playfully socked him in the shoulder. "Maybe you're right. My gayngst wasn't so bad that I tried to prove my straightness to my boyfriend."

"You're never gonna let that go are you?" Evan sighed, placing a kiss on Connor's cheek. "Anyways, while we were fighting about this I bet Chloe ate all of your brownies."

"Aww let her go. She's a growing girl!"

"Growing girls need nutrition. We talked about this remember?"

"You sound just like my mom. Keep up that attitude and she's gonna turn out like me and just stop listening when she turns eight."

"Okay, okay you have me convinced! I don't want her to end up threatening to kill us and smoking weed in the bathroom."

"Yeah and if that happens the only one able to help her will end up being a socially awkward kid she beats up on the first day of high school." Connor planted a smooch on his forehead as Evan giggled.

"On second thought, it wouldn't be so bad if Chloe turned out like you. I would love her all the same."

"I mean honestly I think she takes after Zoe. No idea where that came from." He said as they entered the kitchen. "But I can definitely see where your personality comes in," Connor deadpanned right after he saw their daughter jumping up and down trying to reach the tray of brownies on the stove. "Chloe honey don't do that. It's dangerous."

Evan grabbed one of the Chloe's mini foldable chairs from the closet. He placed it in front of the stove.

"If you ever want something you can't reach just use these."

Chloe's eyes widened. She stood on the chair and reached for her brownie.

"Wow! It's so much easier!"

"That's right but if you ever want to get something off the stove make sure to ask okay? The stove can be hot sometimes and you'll burn yourself." Connor said.

Evan shuddered at the thought. He didn't like to think about Chloe getting hurt. His heart broke into a million pieces when she cried.

"Don't worry Daddy! Auntie Zoe told me you gotta burn sometimes!"

"What?" The word slipped out of Evan's mouth.

"She said, 'Kid sometimes you gotta burn!' "

"Chloe you know that she doesn't mean to literally burn yourself right?" Connor asked tentatively.

"What does literally mean?"

"It means Auntie Zoe doesn't want you to burn yourself with fire, sweetie. She means that sometimes you have to feel sad when you don't want to." Evan explained.

Ugh. When had that conversation topic come up between the two of them? Chloe is _four_.

"Oh I get it!" Chloe gave him a big smile. "Thank you Daddy!" She said giving Evan a kiss on the cheek then Connor.

"How come you gave him a kiss first?" Connor exclaimed. Chloe giggled and ran away. Evan had a feeling Zoe had something to do with it.

"Don't worry about it, Dear. You said it yourself. She takes after Zoe. It's only natural that she doesn't like you very much." He joked.

"For your information, Evan, Zoe and I had a wonderful relationship until I hit puberty at the tender age of twelve. Besides, we're cool now!"

Evan laughed.

"I wouldn't be surprised if she still holds a grudge."

At that statement, Connors eyes widened in fear. He groaned, burying his head in his hands.

"Do you think I should talk to her again? Apologize for everything I did to her?"

"Aww I'm just kidding, Con. She forgave you like years ago." He said, rubbing his husband's back to comfort him. "How could she not with that word vomit you had back in college?"

Connor giggled, slapping Evan's hand away. Evan leaned in for a kiss. Connor relented, cupping Evan's face to bring him closer.

"You make me so happy. Everyday with you is like magic."

He sighed in bliss, breaking off the kiss.

Evan was bewildered. Connor had voiced his exact thoughts. He wasn't sure how to respond.

"Evan? Are you okay?"

"I feel the same."

"What?" Connor knit his brows in confusion.

"I said I feel the same." Evan paused, waiting for the words to flow out. "Waking up in the mornings next to you, cooking breakfast while Chloe watches Spongebob, knowing that you're there in general. I can actually live in this world instead of bearing with it every day. I love you, Connor Murphy, and I love the life we have together."

Connor's breath hitched. Evan stared at him, waiting for a reaction. Suddenly, he pulled Evan close, hugging him tightly. Evan felt a wetness, was Connor crying? He shut his eyes and hugged him back.

"My Dear Evan Hansen." Was all Connor said.

Did Evan deserve to be happy? He didn't need to know the answer anymore. He knew his existence lit up Connor's world like Connor's lit up his and his Connor and Chloe deserved the world.

Evan felt an extra weight against him. He was startled before he realized it was only Chloe probably feeling left out. He could hear Connor's laugh and they moved aside to give their daughter room to join in.

He couldn't ask for anything else.


End file.
